Last year, my mother passed away from Covid-19 after 3 weeks of being in the hospital. A few days before she passed I started to write her a letter with the hopes I would be able to read it to her when she woke up from the ventilator.
Unfortunately, she passed and instead this became the last letter I wrote to her. I read it at her funeral.
Sharing this letter with you, helps me heal and makes me stronger. Hopefully, it helps others know that's it's okay to be vulnerable and show emotions. That it's okay to grieve and express how you feel. Never be ashamed of your feelings, you are stronger when you are able to express them.
Below is my letter:
My Dear Mom,
Today, I thank God for giving me a beautiful, strong, and loving mother. A mother who sacrificed with my father to give her children a better life. I thank God because you were able to meet your grandchildren, who love you and miss you very much.
Mom, I want to thank you for all your teachings, all your advice. I don't know where I would be today if not for you. You taught us to make upright, respectful men and to have faith in God.
They say the best memories in life are the simplest. These days while you were in the hospital, I remembered so many of them.
When you would peel me an orange. When you would scratch my back to put me to sleep, or when you would crack my knuckles. The Sundays when we go to the flea market or to the stores shopping. Or we when would take the bus to downtown and eat chicken wings.
I remember the mornings when I would be asleep in the backseat of the car while we took dad to work at 4 am in the morning. Or when we would go to the Port to visit my uncle.
I remember when I was in the Army, you'd always sent me cookies and letters to give me your support.
I remember when you'd get mad and then asked me for forgiveness for getting so angry. You'd always say, "Do you love me even when I'm angry? "I'd always say, "Yes, Mom, I love you, even when you are angry."
Always after a long day of work, you'd come home and make dinner for us. We always ate together at the table. And even though we didn't have much money at the time, you'd always found a way to give us our Christmas gifts. We never lacked anything, Mom.
My few memories in Honduras were always with you. When we would walk to the market and you'd ask the clerk at the store for the stickers to fill my soccer and animal albums. When you would take me on the bus to go see your friends.
Mommy, these next few weeks are going to be difficult, but don't worry. My brother and I are going to take care of Dad. Together with the help of God and our family, we will be able to overcome this pain.
Oh Mom, you never wanted to be a burden on anyone. You were always the strongest for all of us. Your last days on earth, you were not alone. We were always with you in heart and spirit. I know God gave you peace and calm in those last few hours.
Mom, before I say goodbye, I want to tell you the dream I had with you two nights ago.
We were in grandma's house, and you were lying across two chairs. You were sitting in one chair, and your feet were resting on the other. When you saw me, you told me how much he loved me. You asked me about the family. We talked for hours and laughed.
And after a long while, I told you, "It's getting late, Mom, I have to go home." After a bit of pause, your eyes glisten, and you asked me, "Do you want to stay with me?"
I answered, "Mom, I'd love to stay, but I have to go home back to the family. "
And with an accepting smile, you said, "I understand, son. Don't worry, I understand."
Then I hugged you with all my strength and begged, "But I don't want YOU to leave. I want to see you again, Mom. Please ask the Lord of Heavens to allow us an opportunity to see you again."
You calmly touched my head as I hugged you and said, "It's okay, son. It's okay. I'm going to ask the Lord to see what He says."
You gave me a strong squeeze, and I felt the warmth of your love. You softly let out, "Don't worry, I will always love"
Without hesitation, I exclaimed, "I love you too, Mom." and suddenly woke.
That morning I could not interpret that dream. But now I understand... you didn't have the heart to tell me we would never be able to see you again.
Mom, I want to thank you for giving me that opportunity, even though it was a dream, to be able to hug you, hear your voice, and feel your warmth, and say goodbye one last time.
Thanks Mom, we will always love you, and you will always live in our memories and hearts. R.I.P
Your loving son,
*This letter was translated from Spanish